Do you love escaping into stories about mail-order brides as much as I do—whether you’re reading one of my novels or those by other authors who bring this classic trope to life? The dangers, the dreams, the promise of new love on a wild frontier: it’s easy to get swept away! But have you ever paused while reading and wondered—what was it truly like to be a mail-order bride? Today I want to share what I’ve discovered in my research—truths that are sometimes stranger and more thrilling than fiction.
The Realities Behind the Romance
We all know the setup: a courageous woman, adrift by circumstance or searching for something more, answers an ad or a letter. She boards a train or wagon, clutching dreams of love and a new beginning, an unknown husband waiting at the journey’s end. While the novels may sweeten the hardships, this kind of hope and risk was very real. Many women in the 19th century became mail-order brides because they saw no good options at home—perhaps they faced poverty, social pressure, or a lack of potential grooms. Some simply saw the chance for adventure and a better life out West.
The men, often lonely ranchers, farmers, or miners, weren’t “buying” a wife as some legends suggest. They usually paid for a woman’s travel fare, but both sides took part willingly, corresponding through letters—sometimes for months—before agreeing to marry. Both bride and groom might feel anxious, excited, and terrified, just as their fictional counterparts do.
The Risks and the Rewards
For some, the gamble paid off. Many couples built enduring partnerships, facing the wilds of the West as a team. For others, it could be a disaster—expectations dashed by false portraits, disappointment, or even danger. Some stories echo the themes we cherish in romance: trust, resilience, and finding love against the odds. There were letters lost, mistaken identities, and even last-minute changes of heart—just like in some of my favorite plots
Imagine the courage it took! These women traveled hundreds or even thousands of miles, alone, into the unknown. They had to be resourceful, determined, and open-hearted—traits you’ll find in every heroine I write.
Of course, women have long had little control over who they married. Their father or other male relative usually decided who they would marry. Marriage was a contract, one that usually cemented some other contract. For example, two kingdoms might sign a peace treaty. As part of the treaty, a princess might be sent to marry a prince. For some women, their dowry might save a family business or give their husband the ability to take over a business with no male heir. If the couple were lucky, they might come to feel fondness for one another. A few came to love one another. In other cases, once a male heir was produced, the two people would lead separate lives, coming together to host parties or attend functions in public but having little contact in private. If a woman was unlucky, her husband was cruel and caused her much misery.
Why the Trope Endures
So why, generations later, do the tales of mail-order brides still captivate us? Maybe it’s because they remind us that love is a leap of faith. Maybe it’s the allure of new beginnings, of forging happiness where none seemed possible. Or maybe, deep down, we all want to believe that sometimes, the risk of saying “yes” to the unknown is the very thing that brings us home.
Every time I pen a new novel about a mail-order bride, I’m inspired by the real women who dared to hope for more. They shaped the history of the American West, and, in their own way, the stories we love today.
Thank you for joining me on this journey—both through history and in the pages of my books. If you have a favorite mail-order bride novel (mine or otherwise), I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
